I think I'm going with "Pai pai" for the bird's name, which means "clap, clap," or "slap, slap" or something like that, so it's more for the sound than the meaning. For a while, it was "xiao niao" which literally means "baby bird," or, more precisely, "small bird," but no matter how endearing it was to me, it has been a little bit difficult to say conveniently.
Thinking about the bird, specifically, today, I re-read passages from The Little Prince concerning the Rose and the Fox, both of which allegorize relationships for the Little Prince. The one about the fox is more excessible to me, which is rather poetic, and who, in the end, tells the Prince, "You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." I think about this when I feed the bird and hold it in my hand.
I was reflecting on my students today--distinctly those in my afternoon class. And the class itself, as well, how, in the beginning, after they left and I began picking up and tidying, it felt like I was cleaning up after a war. A month later, it felt like picking up after a battle, then a mild skirmish, and so on. Today, it felt like picking up after a class of elementary school kids and in the negative connotation of the phrase, which means it wasn't the best class of the week, but that in not being the best class this week it's still miles above what we were when we started.
Perseverance, even when it's blind, lost, and led only by the dumb hand of time--that's to say almost, "even if it's
not perseverance"--always overthrows any obstacle. It makes you give credence to the sentiment (to the record) in the dear old Bible, that faith can move mountains. That's to say concerted, diligent perseverance. Doubly true in Buddhism, where, they say, mountains don't even exist so of course you can move 'em. In any case, the world has shifted again, rolled over to its side to gaze longingly at the sky.
I was also just thinking of the portraits that my students make, singly or in montage. John who, for a week, would only enter the classroom on all fours barking like a dog, and who, even when not a dog, tries to eat anything, or at least put it in his mouth. One day he was eating his triangular ruler, and I said, "John, what are you doing?!" He said, "It's chicken!" There's Judy who everyone says is very pretty. Today she finished the writing assignment while Steven, the slowest writer EVER!, was still finishing the writing assignment from the day before. Judy lay her head on her arm and looked out the window. I was sitting next to Steven so that I could remind him to keep writing, for, at any second and for any reason, he will spontaneously stand upon his chair, or climb unto the bookshelf up to the air-con unit right near his desk, to stick his head into the rush of cold air, and sing a phrase of a song.
He is a very slow writer because of the care he takes with each letter (unlike John, for example, who chomps down on his extra eraser, and writes right through the asignment in large, messy, thick lines), and he was writing the word "around," again and again. For some reason, this made me feel really peaceful. All the letter's seemed to have the same circular movement starting from the nape of the "a," circling down and around, to execute in a tail. Then the "o," but with no tail. The "u," with a tail but with an abbreviated skull, the "n," slightly different, but still as thoughtful as any of the others. The "d," which is just an "a," with a very long spine... He actually was practicing this one incorrectly, beginning at the top of the letter, and executing the rest in the same movement as one would do to make an "h," on the other side. I didn't bother to stop him.
On the other side of the room sat his twin sibling, a sister, Ruby, who, just as in intelligent, does half as well due to things people would call, "behavior" issues, and many days she is uncooperative. She does do well with writing, though, I thought. She sits next to Andy who is very smart and has no class room decorum, so sometimes he loves what we are doing a little too much. If you ask him anything about Teletubbies or something called Yoyoman, or Spongbob Square Pants, he will know the answer--in English. After class, sometimes he even teaches me Chinese.
Last weekend, I took a trip to Fo Guang Shan, the buddhist temple that I stayed four weeks in two and a half years ago. It seems like ancient history now, almost like another world. Indeed it is another world, another world altogether even from Taiwan. It's quite large, the complex, with several musuems, two English colleges (men's and women's), art galleries, many temples with their accompanying courtyards and landscaping, lodges, giftshops, bookstores, and a huge 5,000 people dining complex, all of which is built upon several hills, an hour North from one of the largest (I think) port cities in the world, Khaosiung.
Here, it's incredible, but everyone is
very happy--old people, young people, lay people, monastics. It's like the rule, or at least the myth, all over Taiwan, that here it's very happy and peaceful and, indeed, it is. In fact, it would be rather creepy except for the fact that, once you get used to it, you realize how rich and undeniable the happiness is.
I said it was ancient history for me but that made me all the more startled to remember things I had lost, or had never bothered to translate into my other world. I remembered the smells, even before I got there, the smells of their halls, their air-conditioning, their incense, and even the smell of their shrubs outside. I found almost every place we had meditated--the place outside where bees and flies had buzzed lazily from one neck to the next. The time we meditated in the men's college temple and the fan that blew in the window, the light that changed across the floor. In the early morning, outside the giant golden, standing Buddha statue, where the courtyard wasn't quite big enough and the neat rows of mats twisted oddly at the end.
Perhaps when you're letting your thoughts go, the ones that remain--those arrogant that stand up and claim substance--are those that fall so hard, once, and so distinctly that the impression they leave is left waiting like a fossil in your mind, like a cicada that waits in the ground, for that odd year to come around, when they summon brown casing, and rise from the earth.