I showed a class of senior high school students a series of translated Chinese poems. There weren't a lot of students so I had each one read one poem. It was fun to watch who recognized what they were reading while they were reading it. For some it was a visceral shock, and the shock was often quickly followed by laughter. Several girls, by the second poem we read, had scribbled the original onto their paper apparently by heart.
Because of the laughing and guffawing, the first several poems actually took awhile to get through. They were laughing at, not only queerness of seeing the old words in a totally different context, but also the "mistakes" of the poems. Now I am a lot more lenient in understanding some of the choices the poets made, and that's why it was slightly a hard lesson learned for myself. When a poet uses "the third-month mists" he is trying to communicate the reality that in Chinese that they simply number the months; it is a literal translation. The translator also might be trying to communicate to the reader the strangeness of the original language. If one pretends it is an English poem, like any other, is it not disingenuous to the original's cultural, spacial, linguistic identity? But to them it just sounded lame. One of them declared, "it's not a 'long, long river,' the river's name is actually Long River." Again I felt more lenient: why had Li Bai chosen Long River as opposed to, say, Yellow River? Didn't he want to emphasize the fact that his friend was going a long way away, and wasn't it alright if this poet tried to replicate that?
And then there were some quite obvious differences in the poems themselves: sometimes the traveler was going east, while other times it was ambiguous, while other poems had the traveler definitely going west.
One boy kept shaking his head; obviously the English versions were all no good. Most of the students agreed. I told them that I liked when one poet said that the shadow of the traveler was like "his lonely sail." And they agreed that it was actually what the poem said.
I also pointed out that several of the poems were in the present tense and while others were in the past tense. Of course, it is always ambiguous in Chinese, but we talked about the differences in English. Did they like "border of heaven," or "edge of the sky?" While I liked heaven, they liked sky. I said, "but in Chinese don't you use the same character?" But they disagreed. One said, "it sounds like he died if you use heaven."
It made me think a lot more about translating classic Chinese poems, but it reminded me, that if I ever did, I would probably wait a long time before ever bringing them into my ESL class.
Here's my good old friend
At the Yellow Crane Terrace
For a western departure.
We're saying good-bye.
He's in a cloud of third-month blossoms.
He's off downstream to Yang-Chou.
That shadow is his lonely sail.
Now it is gone.
All the blue is empty now.
All you can see is that long, long river.
It flows to the edge of the sky.
tr. Ken Hope
My old friend takes leave of the west at Yellow Crane Tower,
in misty third-month blossoms goes downstream to Yang-chou.
The far-off shape of his lone sail disappears in the blue-green void,
and all I see is the long river flowing to the edge of the sky.
tr. Burton Watson
My friend bade farewell at the Yellow Crane House,
And went down eastward to Willow Valley
Amid the flowers and mists of March.
The lonely sail in the distance
Vanished at last beyond the blue sky
And I could see only the river
Flowing along the border of heaven.
tr. Shigeyoshi Obata
My old friend
Bids farewell to me
In the west at Yellow Crane Tower.
Amid April's mist and flowers
He goes down to Yang-jou.
The distant image
Of his lonely sail
Disappears in blue emptiness,
And all I see
Is the Long River
Flowing to the edge of the sky
tr. Greg Whincup
From Yellow Crane Tower, my old friend leaves the west.
Downstream to Yang-chou, late spring a haze of blossoms,
distant glints of lone sail vanish into emerald-green air:
nothing left but a river flowing on the borders of heaven.
tr. David Hinton
my old friend leaves yellow crane pavilion
he is going to the west
sailing to yangzhou in march
while blossoms curl like smoke on the river
how far away the lone sail
fading into the clear blue sky
only the yangtze river remains
it is flowing at the edge of the world
tr. John Knoepfle and Wang Shouyi
The next poem is one that we didn't discuss but also was on the website. Having time to read all of them that I had to choose from, I think it would have been interesting to include this one to see what they thought. It's a lot more definite and clear, more like a native English speaking poem--which probably means the poet took some liberties.
You said good-bye at Yellow Crane Pavilion
and sailed west, down into the valley
through the flowers and mists of spring
until your lonely sail vanished
in the blue sky's horizon,
and I was left watching the river
flowing gently into heaven.
tr. Sam Hamill
And one more:
Guangling send Haoran
Li Bai
Yellow Crane Tower West by the enemy, fireworks in March in Yangzhou.
Gu Fan Yuan shadow Bishan do, only see the flow of the Yangtze River skyline.
tr. Google translate
Because of the laughing and guffawing, the first several poems actually took awhile to get through. They were laughing at, not only queerness of seeing the old words in a totally different context, but also the "mistakes" of the poems. Now I am a lot more lenient in understanding some of the choices the poets made, and that's why it was slightly a hard lesson learned for myself. When a poet uses "the third-month mists" he is trying to communicate the reality that in Chinese that they simply number the months; it is a literal translation. The translator also might be trying to communicate to the reader the strangeness of the original language. If one pretends it is an English poem, like any other, is it not disingenuous to the original's cultural, spacial, linguistic identity? But to them it just sounded lame. One of them declared, "it's not a 'long, long river,' the river's name is actually Long River." Again I felt more lenient: why had Li Bai chosen Long River as opposed to, say, Yellow River? Didn't he want to emphasize the fact that his friend was going a long way away, and wasn't it alright if this poet tried to replicate that?
And then there were some quite obvious differences in the poems themselves: sometimes the traveler was going east, while other times it was ambiguous, while other poems had the traveler definitely going west.
One boy kept shaking his head; obviously the English versions were all no good. Most of the students agreed. I told them that I liked when one poet said that the shadow of the traveler was like "his lonely sail." And they agreed that it was actually what the poem said.
I also pointed out that several of the poems were in the present tense and while others were in the past tense. Of course, it is always ambiguous in Chinese, but we talked about the differences in English. Did they like "border of heaven," or "edge of the sky?" While I liked heaven, they liked sky. I said, "but in Chinese don't you use the same character?" But they disagreed. One said, "it sounds like he died if you use heaven."
It made me think a lot more about translating classic Chinese poems, but it reminded me, that if I ever did, I would probably wait a long time before ever bringing them into my ESL class.
Here's my good old friend
At the Yellow Crane Terrace
For a western departure.
We're saying good-bye.
He's in a cloud of third-month blossoms.
He's off downstream to Yang-Chou.
That shadow is his lonely sail.
Now it is gone.
All the blue is empty now.
All you can see is that long, long river.
It flows to the edge of the sky.
tr. Ken Hope
My old friend takes leave of the west at Yellow Crane Tower,
in misty third-month blossoms goes downstream to Yang-chou.
The far-off shape of his lone sail disappears in the blue-green void,
and all I see is the long river flowing to the edge of the sky.
tr. Burton Watson
My friend bade farewell at the Yellow Crane House,
And went down eastward to Willow Valley
Amid the flowers and mists of March.
The lonely sail in the distance
Vanished at last beyond the blue sky
And I could see only the river
Flowing along the border of heaven.
tr. Shigeyoshi Obata
My old friend
Bids farewell to me
In the west at Yellow Crane Tower.
Amid April's mist and flowers
He goes down to Yang-jou.
The distant image
Of his lonely sail
Disappears in blue emptiness,
And all I see
Is the Long River
Flowing to the edge of the sky
tr. Greg Whincup
From Yellow Crane Tower, my old friend leaves the west.
Downstream to Yang-chou, late spring a haze of blossoms,
distant glints of lone sail vanish into emerald-green air:
nothing left but a river flowing on the borders of heaven.
tr. David Hinton
my old friend leaves yellow crane pavilion
he is going to the west
sailing to yangzhou in march
while blossoms curl like smoke on the river
how far away the lone sail
fading into the clear blue sky
only the yangtze river remains
it is flowing at the edge of the world
tr. John Knoepfle and Wang Shouyi
The next poem is one that we didn't discuss but also was on the website. Having time to read all of them that I had to choose from, I think it would have been interesting to include this one to see what they thought. It's a lot more definite and clear, more like a native English speaking poem--which probably means the poet took some liberties.
You said good-bye at Yellow Crane Pavilion
and sailed west, down into the valley
through the flowers and mists of spring
until your lonely sail vanished
in the blue sky's horizon,
and I was left watching the river
flowing gently into heaven.
tr. Sam Hamill
And one more:
Guangling send Haoran
Li Bai
Yellow Crane Tower West by the enemy, fireworks in March in Yangzhou.
Gu Fan Yuan shadow Bishan do, only see the flow of the Yangtze River skyline.
tr. Google translate






